Second Month Recovery
I never thought i’d say this, but i’m finally relieved to feel better. I am finally okay within myself to not exercise until I want to pass out, become short of breathe and dizzy. The once sworn enemies (peanut butter, avocado, oats) are finally going towards process I can see, feel and things that help other people to benefit. Example one: my brain works. I am less scattered, and am able to concentrate on thing for a longer period of time. Example two: my skin is more radiant and healthier, as is my hair! Example three: moods are more stable and less fluctuated.
I’m beginning to think more logically. There are times I want to regress, fall back into my weakness and not tackle the problem head on. Not face the community and force myself to be comfortable with not conforming to the unachievable expectations that society places on young women. PROCESS > REGREE.
Nourishment is something I would have feared. All the different food groups where something that would make me anxious and fearful. This is a very slow process as I can imagine sitting down and eating half an avocado just yet. Bones were something of a success, showing the strength of my ‘will power.’ The prize – undernourishment.
Days are still hard. Today – obviously is a good. I want to write about the good days. The more you force yourself into happiness- the more you force life back into your being. The good energies you expel into the world the less negativity.
Low Point: Forever and always, it seems that I fear people will start to notice the weight coming back. Getting healthier is such a great aim – though it is very scary to know my body will be well enough one day to function normally. Some days this makes me feel like all my hard work has failed.
High Point: Being able to go for adventures as I have more energy. I don’t feel the need to collapse at 8 PM each evening! I’m able to sit in the car for half and hour and not be so anxious!
Affirmation: “I am beginning to measure myself in strengths, not kilograms. Sometimes, even my own happiness.” Laurie Halse Anderson