First Week Thoughts
I’m starting in March, on a Friday. Starting this thing called recovery. Recovery in my mind is something that involves me getting fatter, being regarded as lazy and being associated with the fat girl in my past. I for one don’t want that.
What do I want? To be able to sit down and not have a panic attack. To not feel that if I sit down for half an hour i’ve lost the chance to burn those 100 calories that I may possibly consume today. All i can imagine are the clumps of cells forming throughout my body, turning me into a monster again. To not thinking about my weight all the time. I want to find joy in something other than how many calories i’ve burnt.
Recovery, ‘the regaining of something that is lost.” GAIN. A word i associate so close with weight. They practically go hand in hand. So I ask myself, ‘what do I have to GAIN?’
A normal lifestyle, the ability to look at someone and not immediately guess how much they weigh, the strength to not compare my body to someone else’s, the chance to give something back to the people I love – uplift them, instead of brining them down with my constant self loathing, lack of confidence and absence of energy.
Recovery, defined as, ‘the regaining of something that is lost.’ And it’s time I find joy in the regaining of my life than the ruination of my body.
Lower points: pushing myself to relax, e.g – sitting for an hour, not doing extra cardio after i’ve finish my run and gym work out.
High points: having my first spontaneous coffee date since getting caught up in the darkness.
Affirmation: Give your body the time, give your body a chance. And give it the best possible chance.